Addai's Little Black Book

Addai's Little Black Book

Tales of Dating

Help! I Got What I Wanted And I Hate It!

 

We all think we know what we want. In life, in relationships, even career-wise. When it comes to our love life, we think we know the kind of men or women that will fulfill us from an early age. We doodle our names side by side, we tell our girlfriends about our imaginary wedding day, we fantasize and dream…it’s not until we get older (not necessarily wiser) do we realize that we have no stinking idea what we want or need.

 

Look around you at all the smart, successful men or women stuck in relationships with lovers that don’t give a flipping crap about them. They marry jerks, liars, cheaters, abusers…all the while trying to make the world believe that they are happy. Truly, sincerely, audaciously, happy. Or maybe it’s you that’s leading a lie. You may lie side by side with your man or woman and wonder, what the hell happened? Where did I go wrong? Who is this spawn lying next to me and how do I get rid of him or her? Or better yet, where can I hide the body? (Joking! Ha ha. *cough cough*)

 

How do we align what we want and need with our expectations? Is it even possible? I’ve learned from experience after some trial and error that it’s so easy to outline and write out what I want in a man. But it’s a lot harder to verbalize what I will give in return. And I truly think once you know who you are and how much you’re truly worth, you will be less inclined to accept any and everything. Personally, the person that I am to friends and families does not necessarily transfer over into a relationship. I know that I’m honest, sincere, somewhat funny, sensitive and giving but I don’t even know if that ever comes out when I date someone. I spend so much time trying to be *on* that I don’t even think I’m myself. What’s *on*? you ask?

 

We all know what that is. That representative that takes over on the first date and sometimes never leave. He or she may laugh at everything, even when it’s not funny - especially when it’s not funny. They are overly charismatic, brave, ostentatious, etc. Basically the better version of you. But at what point does the real us come out? And what point should we back off or proceed when things start progressing in our relationship? And at what point does the real us get buried under the obsession of just being with someone? At what point does ‘compromising’ cross the line into just plain old sacrificing your integrity? I don’t know but at some point along the way we sacrifice who we are for what we think he or she can become…if we just stick around for a little while longer.

 

So yea, this isn’t dating advice but this is simply advice. If you feel stuck and unhappy and unfulfilled in a relationship, it may not mean you have to jump ship because oftentimes the person you are unhappy with is not your spouse: it’s you. You may be miserable and unfulfilled and it’s easier for you to transfer it on to someone else than to deal with your baggage. But we all know what happens with too much baggage, it starts weighing us down and stripping us of our energy to take another step.

 

 And if it really is the other person you’re unhappy with, my question to you is: Do you think you were created to be deliberately miserable? To be unhappy, to cry and to waste the precious moments of your short life tied down to someone that belongs with someone else? And what point is enough actually enough?

 

I hear all the time that some people just love being unhappy and sometimes I think that’s true as I look around me at some friends…but at the end of the day, that’s not true at all. We all live to love, be loved, make love and thrive. But somewhere along the way we get complacent and accepting of the unacceptable. The great thing about life is that it’s never too late to change the course of your destiny (Unless you’re in prison for life…in which case you wouldn’t be reading this anywayJ)

 

Besos.

 

------> So question for you: What would your older, wiser self tell your young, naïve yourself about life in general? Do you think there is such a thing as having it all? Do you honestly think that some people love being miserable?

Singles (Speed) Dating for Beginners: Slow it down!

GUEST POST: SINGLESWAREHOUSE

The key to dating, or indeed to anything involving other people is rapport, build that up and you'll have regular successes in dating singles dating completely relies on the art of making a genuine connection with someone.

This, of course, all goes out of the window with the first speed dating event most of us attend, we see twenty other people in a bar, all feeling equally nervous, and the temptation to bombard them with 'the story of me', overcomes us.

 

This is the ideal way to kill what is otherwise a perfect opportunity to meet people who you may well click with, and it comes from a basic misunderstanding about how dating works; this might seem like the reverse of everything you've learned but initially, other people don't want to hear your life story. Not even excerpts from it, not even a potted biography or resume. Nothing.

 

So what do potential matches want in that all important two and half minutes? Well plenty of things, but let's start with fun, you don't have to be a professional stand up to get someone to crack a smile (though it does help) - you just need to demonstrate that you live your life with a spirit of fun and enjoyment.

 

This has to be done with some subtlety and thought, if you've got the confidence to be humorous then by all means let that be your way into the conversation, if not, then strategy two is to focus on the other person.

 

A simple and almost universal fact about human beings is that we are all ego driven, we love to be the centre of attention, to feel important, to feel like people are interested in us. The most boring sound in the world is someone else talking about themselves, and when we drone on about our own lives, it prevents other people from relating to us.

 

Ask another person about their life, what they enjoy or how they see the world, and within minutes (or less on a speed dating gig) opportunities for rapport, for identification and affinity open up as if by magic.

 

There will be opportunities to tell the other person about yourself, normally when you go out on a proper date with them later on, however in order to get to that point, keep any life story down to the most minuscule of details (and most importantly, wait to be asked about yourself).

 

The purpose of a singles date is to give a quick taster of who you are and the fun someone could have with you to as many people as possible. To stretch the food analogy to breaking point, people are turning up for tapas, not for a heavy three course meal.

 

Let the guy or girl who follows on from you fill their time with the person you've got your eye on with a dreary monologue, while you can sparkle instead.

Be funny, be personal, be interested and they will find you interesting, but whatever you do, don't be dull.

DON'T BELIEVE THE HYPE: WOMEN LOVE SEX!!

 

When the Heck will Women Admit that they Love Sex as much as Men??

 

I love sex. I like sweaty, unadulterated, drop it like it’s hot, hair pulling, growling, grunting, make it rain sex. I like it during the day, during the evening, at night, in summer, fall, spring and winter. I like it here, there and everywhere. On a balcony, mountaintop, desk, or kitchen counter. With sparkly sex toys and tingling body oil, in crazy positions, straight out the Kama sutra or something that we created ourselves. And you know what? Every single girl friend of mine feels the exact same way. THEY LOVE SEX. And we women spend countless hours giggling, gossiping and gasping about our favorite positions, about what our boyfriends can do better and the stuff they do so right, they need to patent it and sell it on the black market. But you know what? Women are liars. Big fat, hairy liars who will look a man in the eye and pretend that they don’t ENJOY sex. As if they do it for their boyfriend’s or husband’s pleasure only. And you know what? It is a load of crap.

 

Women, in my honest opinion couldn’t be honest with their needs and desires in and out of the bedroom if the truth bit them in the ass. The fact is: we love sex. Whenever I come across an otherwise attractive woman who has everything going for herself but who puts up with a jerk, or an emotionally unavailable man, I know the reason why before she does: it’s 9 times out of 10 because dude is putting it down. (Or maybe because of lack of self-esteem or both but that’s another topic for another day.)So she sacrifices her hopes, desires and herself ultimately just because he makes her weak in her knees between the sheets. Will we ever admit that to ourselves, let alone our girlfriends? HELL NAW!  We use that lame ass excuse we’ve all heard “I stay because I love him.” Girl, please, you love how he makes you feel!

 

 

 

I’ve been wondering to myself lately, how come men can admit this simple fact: that they simply like a woman because of how skillfully her lips take care of the “job,” or how she puts it down, but many of us ladies feel like to be a lady means we have to lie. Why can’t we just tell the truth?  We lie about the number of men we slept with; we lie about why we stay with losers. We. Lie. It’s so refreshing when I meet a woman who is honest about what she wants.  And what does she want? Sex without the attachment. Sex without the lies. Sex without the unnecessary bullcrap.

 

 

A woman will sit there and tell you she wants a good man. A man that treats her well who is nice, sweet, easygoing, with a good job, blah blah blah. When really, a lot of women will date Jerome, a high school dropout who flips burgers at McDonalds IF he knows how to put it down. He might just want to leave out that he works at Mickey D’s until he gets the draws though. LOL.  I hear some of ya’ll disagreeing with this, saying: Maybe when I was younger, but as I get older, I do want all of the good qualities in a man. Sex is secondary. Bull shit. Think about all the good, nice, respectful man that you let get away because that “spark” or “chemistry” wasn’t there. Code word for he looked like he will suck in bed or he DID suck in bed.

 

Point blank: I stopped thinking only men were horn dog, sex seeking pervs who only want to score because when it comes  down to it, some women are too but we have society on our side who we’ve helped convince that sex is not relevant in our eyes. That good qualities are what’s important.

 

My question is: can we get the good qualities and the HOT sex, ladies? And for all my abstaining/celibate ladies out there, was cutting sex out the best decision you ever made? And the most important question of all: why does it seem that the biggest jerks are usually the best in bed??

Dating vs. Courting - One and the Same??

 

 

Sometimes, I feel like I was born in the wrong generation. You know, I would’ve loved to have been alive in the 1800’s when women were courted elegantly by men and were treated like treasures for the most part. Men didn’t go out with these women hoping that a ride in a carriage through the park will get them a quick lay or maybe a hand-job. LOL. Obviously the olden days held its own issues with dating and communication issues with male and female, however I am starting to feel like the concept of courting is pretty much dead in our generation. I had a gentleman once tell me that he doesn’t see the point of paying for dinners and movies if he was not “promised” anything at the end of his “courting”. Of course I argued with him that this wasn’t courting. But honestly, his view isn’t as skewed as you may think because many folks now have this thought process. And we women aren’t off the hook either! I’ve had girlfriends act like their vagina was made of gold and only the higher bidders will have access to it, so therefore their date had to come correct and show her a great time. Others yet, may date a man without any plans of having it go farther. They’re just stringing the poor sucker along.

 

 

“Courtship is the time-honored and successful practice of learning about someone enough to know whether or not the two is compatible for marriage. It often involves friendship, discussing each individual’s future plans, knowing the parents if they’re alive and praying privately for God’s will in the matter. After deciding it is God’s will to get married, the couple prays together and then go to their parents to seek their blessings and finally to the pastor to seek his approval. After engaged the couple still avoids intimacy until marriage. Commitment comes before intimacy,”    states Tom Brown of Tom Brown Ministries. Dang, that sounds hard, ya’ll!!! LOL.

Courtship ordinarily begins when a single man approaches a single woman by going through the woman's father, and then conducts his relationship with the woman under the authority of her father, family, or church, whichever is most appropriate. Courtship always has marriage as its direct goal.

Dating on one hand is a more modern approach, begins when either the man or the woman initiates a more- than-friends relationship with the other, and then they conduct that relationship outside of any oversight or authority. Dating may or may not have marriage as its goal.

So obviously both these definitions hold a different motive and end result; however they both achieve the goal of two consenting people enjoying each other’s time. So when did dating become this power struggle where some women are hoping to get a free dinner and some men are hoping to finish off the night with her as the dessert??

Don’t get me wrong, many of us when we begin dating are NOT ready for marriage with the first Joe Schmoe or whoever that walks through the door. But what do you think may happen if we date with the sole intention of trying to achieve something more meaningful once we find that person who we click with? Without all the messy stuff getting in the way? Courtship states that you pick someone you are interested in marrying and then get to know them, while dating says you get to know someone, and then see if you would like to marry them. Pretty small difference, but the effects of both are pretty big.

The website “Foot Prints of Hope” cites that “Dating creates more problems than it solves: broken hearts, illegitimate children, abortions, sexually transmitted diseases, and feelings of guilt or shame that can last a lifetime. As serious as these consequences are, the solution for them is simple: courtship instead of dating. Courtship isn't just another form of Christian dating. It's radically different and proudly old-fashioned-as old as the Bible.” (http://footprintsofhope.com/footprints/social/datingcourtship.htm) Now, I don’t agree with this statement 100%, however I do believe miscommunication and lack of maturity between two people can create all of these. Let’s be honest, marriage itself can bring broken hearts, abortions and sexually transmitted diseases if your spouse is messing with other people so let’s keep it real! This site goes on to list ten reasons why people date instead of wait for courtship:

  1. they're lonesome;
  2. they're impatient;
  3. they want to find a marriage partner;
  4. they want to have fun and feel good;
  5. they want to learn how to relate to the opposite sex;
  6. their parents, peers, and the world tell them they should;
  7. they're determined to live life according to their own schedule, not God's;
  8. they want to develop social skills and emotional health;
  9. they want to have certain needs met until a marriage partner is found;
  10. They believe it will prepare them for marriage.

Which one of these do you believe to be true? Do you think this list is absurd? Do you think that dating and courting are one and the same? Let me know, I’m curious!

 

 

PUT DOWN OUR WEAPONS

 

 

Dating has become something like a war and men and women are now on opposing sides of the battlefield. I remember a time where I could meet a man and within a matter of days we’ve spent countless hours on the phone or with each other, chopping it up in coffee shops  and r e ally , really , getting to know each other, through stories, anecdotes, jokes and the like. Our gaurds were down and we weren’t thinking of just ourselves and fulfilling just our needs. Nowadays, everyone is hidden behind a computer screen or worse yet, a phone. Texting has become the norm and you’ve become the freak if you actually desire to hear the voice of your potential date. Everyone, including myself, has become so guarded, fearing the worse, expecting their time to be wasted and this girl or guy to be the one to break your heart. Because in this war called love, isn’t that what everyone does?

 

And guess what? No one thinks that they are to blame. If you ask most people why their last relationship ended, they will go into a long diatribe about how their ex did this, or cheated, or snored too loudly, didn’t want to do it doggy style, or wasn’t passionate enough, or didn’t cook, etc. However, the spotlight is never put on ourselves and how we can improve as we move onto the next relationship. So guess what? We will keep making the same mistake in love and wondering Why. We. Are. Still. Single.  Online dating has become the Band-Aid that covers the deep wounds of what was once our hearts. On these sites it’s all glitz and glitter and we can literally be whoever we choose to be. Who is going to put us on blast? Who is going to rip off our mask?

 

Based on many articles and opinion pieces I’ve read and from talking to some friends or people I’ve come across these last few months, I truly believe that we have all truly lost the art of courting or dating and getting to know someone. Many men that I meet nowadays, for example, have given up the notion that women should be treated like queens. Based on this new ‘independent women movement’ and the fact that women are making great strides in the professional world (and some won’t let you forget it), they feel like everything should be split down the middle. Including dates.

 

Conversely, some women have come to realize with this new power they’ve suddenly gained that men are more disposable than they’ve ever been before. There’s a certain air of arrogance that some women walk around with nowadays and men have taken notice. Once again, that puts us on different sides of the battlefield. And strangely enough, we are not trying to make piece. The lack of communication on both parts is incredulous. Is it a race thing? Age thing? Demographic thing? I have yet to meet a man that can actually communicate his true feelings and not flip-flop around what is truly important to him. I think this may be due to the fact that communication is not key in their world. And by communication, I don’t mean just words. Action is the most important. Ladies, have you ever met a man that tells you he likes and adores the very air you breathe, etc., yet you can go days without hearing from them or seeing them? Have you done it yourself? Well that’s a game. Don’t say what you can’t put into action is my motto. That’s soo annoying to me and I will call anyone out on that. And some may say, well when you meet someone, you can’t let them know you like them. You got to play this game. Aha! There’s that word: game. And then we wonder why we all end up losing in the end.

 

If love isn’t war, it’s a game. If someone isn’t hurting, someone is being hurt. Where is the dignity? Where is the honesty? We’ve all become these robots only out for ourselves, trying to take, take and take, without giving ourselves or at the very least, giving the bare minimum. I’ve met someone that’s listed to me some of the things that they don’t like to talk about as the relationship progresses yet, they’ve also turned around and stated that they want an easy go-lucky relationship and for everything to seem natural. How the heck can it be natural when certain subjects can’t be breached in the art of getting to know someone?? I’m lost and speechless. Why have we all become like robots with outlandish rules and regulations attached to us that the next man or woman must fulfill before we move onto the next stop? As if our past smells like roses, and we are all perfect? Why have men and women become so combative towards one another in this dating world? And can we ever be healed? Do we even want to??

Good Look in the Mirror

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I think deep down, no matter how much we tell ourselves that we're not perfect, we truly believe that we are in some shape and form, above others, that if we had to make the decisions that they had to make, that we'd do a better job. That we'd never ever do that, or this, or whatever. The same mindset is apparent when it comes to matters of dating. I' will be the first to admit that although I do not know exactly what I want, I do know what to run away from. The stalkers, the bullies, the liars, the non-believers, the indecisive men that take years to make up their mind. In essence, I guess I figure that I have something to offer, so why not date someone that I deserve?

 

But wait a minute. What do I think I "deserve"? I'm gonna take a minute to get real with you guys. And hopefully ya'll can keep it real with me and in essence with yourselves. Once again, what do I think I deserve? What do YOU think you deserve? When was the last time any of us took a good looooong hard look in the mirror. Let me ask you something else: Will you date the person you were 10 years ago? How about 2 years ago? How about even 6 months ago? My answer is hell no, I wouldn't date the Addai from 10 years ago. Why? Cuz I was a confused, angry, feminist who wanted to chop of the penis of every men I met because I had no positive male role models. And honestly no positive women role models. I had no role models period and as we know when it comes to molding and shaping ourselves and the person that we ultimately will turn out to be, role models with positive outlooks ARE important. So no, 10 years ago, I was a walking, talking "HELL NAW, DON'T DATE THIS CHICK” commercial. LOL. 

 

If I can keep it this real with myself, then I will go so far to say that I have dated men that were in a better place than me and I have dated men that I was in a better place than. BUT, that didn't make me better than them. That didn't make them better than me. But it's not about what I deserve and don't deserve. We gotta learn to take that self-righteous attitude out of the equation.

 

People kill me when they call themselves a good woman or man, a good Christian, a good person, etc. but then they go on to list qualities they seek in the opposite sex that aren't even preferences - just a long list of bullshit and condemnation and unrealistic crap. Ladies - asking for a man to make a lot of money and drive a Benz, while you're barely making it yourself and driving a Honda or Suzuki is unrealistic and just downright funny. Now, asking for a man to be able to support himself and ultimately you when you do get married is not a crazy request, but when we start to throw in materialistic needs and wants, it makes me question whether you need to be dating anyone, rather than working on yourself and your perceptions. Men, when you request that a female need to cook, clean and basically submit to you, what you really need to do is check on whether you're the type of man that should be submitted to and treated like a king....or a pauper. Why do we think we "deserve" something that we don't even possess? 

 

A few days ago, a good friend of mine asked me "Addai, you seem to have yourself together, the career, the degrees, and the personality, why do you think you're still single?" You know what, it's half a choice thing and half because I still have ALOT of growing to do and don't need to be in a half assed relationship. I need to realize that I'm not perfect and shouldn't expect a man to come to my door, prepackaged from the factory stamped with a "perfect" stamp on his forehead. Because I'm still laying on the factory floor myself, waiting to be picked up, dusted off and re-assembled together before I'm sent out into the world.

 

A good long hard look in the mirror is not a fun thing to do but something we all need to do at one time or another especially when we find ourselves unhappy in relationships, sleeping around for the heck of it, or going on and on about how happy we are to be single, yet deep in our hearts we do yearn to be with someone, to give ourselves to someone and to grow old with someone. A look in the mirror is a necessity because so many of us are broken. In church a few weeks ago, my pastor talked about how folks yearn to find any god, any person, or anything like money to idolize and look up. In dating, we run from person to person or stick to one bad relationship because we idolize the concept of being with someone, anyone, rather than working on ourselves and talking that long hard look in that mirror.

 

Now if ya'll don't mind, I'm going to go clean the dust off my mirror and peer inside. :-)

WINNERS AND LOSERS

 

Hey ya'll. It's been a good while but that doesn’t mean that my dating adventures has ceased. It's just gotten more interesting. I think the world of dating is a lot like any game. There are winners and then there are losers. The losers didn't stand a chance from the get go. Losing has nothing to do with looks or materialistic possessions. You can lose a game by simply not knowing how to play the game.

 

And that's where Mister 5 A.M. comes in. I met him off match.com and after a few affectionate emails back and forth, I thought he was charismatic and sweet so I accepted his dinner date invitation. We met up at a small pub and bar in Buckhead and I must admit, there was no nervous feeling on my part. The conversation flowed easily, the jokes and easy banter were endless and we had a lot in common. He had a tall, stocky, build with a nice complexion. No cologne. Clean shaven. He wasn't my type physically but we all know that types and preferences can be road blocks. He was born in the Islands and had a hardworking mom that raised him and his brother very well. He couldn't help beaming while talking about her. Ladies, don't you love that? How a man treats his mom really is a reflection on how he'd treat his future wife. 

 

Any who, he was a chiropracter with his own private office and a small condo in Buckhead. So he was doing pretty well for himself. After dinner, he drove me to go check out his practice and then drove me back to my car. We sat in his car making small talk and then he said shyly "I would really like a kiss right now,” Before I knew it, he had given me a wet kiss....sort of resembling something my dog will give me to wake me up. No damn Bueno!! Needless to say that I was totally unprepared. LOL. Not a good bang to end the date but I knew I wanted to see him again regardless, doggy kiss or not. :-)

 

THATS WHEN IT BEGAN!!! The texts and the calls. It was no biggy when he texted me to a few hours later to check up on me. And even his first couple of texts the next morning was fine. But then it seemed like he became some text crazy teenage girl literally overnight and somehow forgot that I have a life. And I'm thinking, isn't he like a damn doctor or something?? How the hell does he find this much time?  Is he texting while his patients are with him? Does he not sleep? Is he freakin' crazy?? Needless to say, I was turned the hell off ASAP. My text became little and nonexistent and after he texted me two days later "Uh, apparently you're not a big texter, what's up with that?" I knew that I had made the right choice.

 

And then the call came. Two days later, five am in the goddamn morning this fool texted me to say "Hello, Addai, I woke up thinking about you and wanted to let you know that. Sweet dreams". Sweet dreams?? Negro, are you out your god forsaken back crackin' mind? Aint no sweet dreams here! It’s hard for me to go to sleep but now I have you texting me random crap at 5 am in the morning when NORMAL people are sleeping??

 

Of course I ignored that text. He emailed me on match.com, called me a couple of times and then apparently FINALLY GOT THE MESSAGE. LOL. Peoples, please help me understand what will make this fool feel like this is ok?? Especially so early on? Did he just think "She's the one so I gotta show her how much I like her?" Was it just him trying to get my attention, but I misconstrued it all wrong? Help me understand because Mister 5 A.M. creeped me the hell out! LOL. Because in this dating game of winners and losers, homeboy done LOST my attention.

The Stutterer

 

So I went out on a date a few days ago with someone that I will affectionately nickname the Stutterer. Meaning every word out of his mouth was "Er...er, uh, uhm" He didn't look me in the eye, he was so nervous, he made ME nervous. He suggested we go see "Sherlock Holmes." Bad call. A) Hellloooo? Don't men read any dating advice out there? A movie on a first date is a no-go. You can't talk and you can't get to know each other. And he purchased some nachos and munched on it like a hungry squirrel throughout the movies. No bueno. B) I had done a two-fer. What's that you ask? When someone books two dates back to back.  So I was tired and cranky and just wanted ti go home. Not his fault but a movie date was not a good idea.  

 

Anywho, we went to Atlantic Station, aka: date central. I attempted to make small talk on our way in but he will either guffaw quietly like a horse to everything I said or mumble something under his breath that was incomprehensible. We get to our theatre and the movie began. And I fell asleep. And I mean the kinda sleep that an insomniac like me can only have wet dreams about. Deep and beautiful. Suffice to say I missed half the movie and I don't know if he noticed. At that point, I didn't really care. I just wanted to go home to my bed. Is that a bad thing? Am I mean? LOL. On the way to my car he asked "So do you think there are people with that power?" I asked "What power?" He said "You know, the power that Sherlock Holmes has" I thought he was joking. I replied "Uh...Sherlock Holmes doesn't have any powers, per se, he just has a gift of solving crime using clues that the ordinary men might miss" He snapped at me 'Well I KNOW that, but that's still like some sort of power!" I thought to myself, are we truly having a debate about a fictional movie with fictional characters? Is he serious?

 

Uhhh...ok, so there goes that. Or So I thought. He contacted me last night asking when can he see me again. Hmm, I'm at a lost here. Should I go out with Stutterer again? Am I being too harsh? Cause right now I don't feel like putting myself through the brain drain again! Nice guy, but he had the personality of a wet rag.

There's Alway's a Mister Right Now!

 

"I've been dating since I was fifteen. I'm exhausted. Where is he?"  - Charlotte, Sex and the City

 

 

I echo this same sentiment sometimes and I am only 26, not 30-ish. Dating, metaphorically speaking, is an exercise in patience and a truly a test of faith. I'm sure you can agree ladies. I've been single for over 3 months now and have forced myself, yes literally force myself, to enter and throw myself in the dating world. Those who know me already know that I HATE casual dating. I find nothing fun or exciting about meeting 9 out of 10 men who are not my type or can't string together a decent conversation when I'd rather be sitting at home with my chihuhuas sipping moscato and watching my favorite episodes of Snapped.

But alas the end of a romance and relationship signals the beginning of torture...er, I mean dating. And suffice to say, it has been an interesting and not so painful experience so far. Ok, I take it back. It's been kind of painful and ackward and amusing. So let me introduce you to the men that I have had the pleasure of meeting over the last month and hopefully you will join me on my journey of dating and love...because what's life without an audience?

 

End of November: I went out with a bald headed, tall brownskinned professor type that I will nickname Professor. We met through Match.com (sign up single ladies!) and we met up after two weeks of chatting at Brio in Perimeter. Needless to say I didn't get a tingle down there when I met him, but we all know that can take time. Conversation was okay until family talk came around and I casually said that I wasn't particularly close to mine. Hey it happens. However, the expression on his face looked like I said I chopped up little children and ate them for fun. He had the nerve to say that I am too old to hold grudges and that I should make amends. Kind of self righteous don't you think?  Needless to say nothing sparked and after a hug goodnight I never called or spoke to him again.

 

Guy #2: The Friend Category: My next date was a month later with Mister TMI. I call him that because although we clicked over wine and coffee at cafe Intermezzo, he had a way of sharing wayyy to much info about his current dating situation. Initially I thought, oh wow, cool, he is comfortable enough with me to disclose who he is currently dating and who else has winked at him on Match.com this week. But after meeting him for dessert at a café this weekend and he continued to tell me about his current dating situation, I became a bit uneasy. Of course he reassured me that I was Numero Uno on his dating conquest and no one else compares to me so he will continue to date me until I no longer want to. Ladies: Should I tell him that it is in bad taste to share this much information to someone you are dating?

 

Guy #3 – I call this fine specimen of a man, "Common". I have a huge crush on Common the rapper and this guy who I met on Plenty of Fish may not look anything like Common except for his skin tone but his love of old school hip hop, the way his light colored brown eyes light up when he sees me and the way he has a way with words, definitely brings to mind Common the rapper. Now "Common", my date has taken me out twice. The last time was tonight. Nothing fancy spancy…Mexican and Dave and Busters but you know what ladies? Sometimes it’s not about the restaurants or the expensive event. It’s about the company. He is good company. 39, (a bit older), with dreams of staring his own graphics and production business, Common is definitely on my radar. I gave him a hug tonight but who knows, third date might be a kiss. Whoooooooo!!

 

So ladies, I’m interested. Where are you on your dating and relationship adventure and where do you WANT to be? What have you noticed about Atlanta men when it comes to dating? The good and the bad?

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